The start of Ramadan, anxiety, and the heavy heart
Many of us are super excited for the start of Ramadan. We look forward to the blessings of the month, the increased worship, the gathering at the iftar table...and so much more.
But many of us may also be riddled with anxiety and a heavy heart. Our circumstances this year mean that we won't be able to do as much, or feel the community, or take advantage in the way that others can. So we feel deprived, unworthy, or just apprehensive.
These thoughts and feelings are based on a fundamental misunderstanding about Ramadan, God, and what is actually valuable. Shaytan plants these thoughts and we then rob ourselves of the joy of Ramadan before it has even started. We create a block between our hearts and this month.
Yet Ramadan is a gift from Allah for all of us, wherever we are in life. This means that Ramadan will necessarily look different for all of us. And while on the outside, a person may be doing more or less, only Allah knows the state of our hearts and the intensity of our efforts. And those matter even more.
Ramadans might be different so that we can experience the grace of God in diverse ways. The new mother. The overworked employee. The person who has moved to a new town. Ramadan is for all of us, and we can connect to Allah wherever we are.
The person who has been far from Allah and is using Ramadan to get back on track may not be able to complete the Qur'an, but they will experience al-Tawwab (the Acceptor of repentance) in such a deeply personal way that others cannot even comprehend.
The parent who is stressed with a newborn or sick child is being blessed and rewarded for the care and compassion they have and give, from none other than al-Rahman al-Rahim - the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. Those moments doing the best for our children that seem to steal time away from prayer and recitation are beloved to Allah when our hearts are in the right place.
The person experiencing a lonely Ramadan may feel that they have missed out on the communal activities and connecting to others, but perhaps this is the time to connect to Allah individually and taste the sweetness of the prayer that is purely between the person and Allah.
We should all have high aspirations and a sincere intention to follow them through that is specific for our own circumstances. And if we cannot achieve what we set out to do, then Allah the Most Generous rewards us though we did.
Don't rob yourself of the joy of Ramadan because of the anticipation of what you cannot do or what you might miss out on.
Rather, focus on maximizing - in quality, not just quantity - what you can do, and not what you cannot. You will find your heart to be full of love for Allah for giving you the opportunity to connect to Him in the way that is best for you, at this time, and in this situation.